Friday, December 29, 2017

It all started today....

     Today was the day I had had enough. I knew there was something different. Something with my body was off, abnormal. I made Matthew go to the store and buy a pregnancy test. A lady at Walmart caught him staring at the tests, she leaned in and said "Let me give you a hint, it doesn't matter which one you get, they all work the same." So, two years ago today, he came home with a couple of tests, and after dinner, when he had all but forgotten what he had brought home, I went into the bathroom and took the test. 
     We were young, I was 20, he was 21 and even though we lived together, both had decent jobs, I felt like I was doing something wrong. Like taking a pregnancy test was a taboo thing, I didn't mention to Matthew that that was the moment I was going to take the test. I opened the packaging as quietly as I could, as I foolishly didn't want him to hear, and know what I was doing. I read the directions, and did as they said... It said it could take up to three minutes, less than 10 seconds after taking the test there were two very clear lines. I was pregnant. No need to take another test, this one had just confirmed what I already knew. I walked out of the door, and turned to Matthew who was watching tv in the living room, still horrified, I said "Well, I'm pregnant".






     His reaction changed a little piece of who I was, although I didn't know it yet. He jumped up out of his chair, ran to me standing in the hallway, picked me up and spun me around. It was a little movie scene. Acting like we had just won the lottery ( which I still hadn't processed yet) When he put me down we walked into the bathroom, and he looked at the test. Sitting on the toilet lid, it hit me, and I started Bawling. Worrying about everything, how we would afford this, how we would figure out how to be parents, the fact that we weren't technically engaged yet, ( although I could see my engagement ring box from where I was sitting).






 



 The best thing about Matthew has always been how laid back he is. From day one, he was a perfect counter weight to me being so uptight. He walked me through it. He told me it would be okay, and that we could do this, and that I would be a great mom. He knelt beside my feet and let me put my head on his shoulder. I don't know how long i cried on him, but he never ever let up his light mood. He was so happy, and although this was not anywhere near our plan, or what we had pictured, he knew that this was the best thing that could have happened to us.
I can't believe all the things we have faced, and over come since then. I cannot beleive the test that our relationship has faced, and I can not believe the amount of love we have both grown for each other, and for both of our children.




Thanks for being the perfect thing to counter act my worries. I love you so much. Forever and always. 



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