I’m finally able to say it.
I think I know what killed my daughter.
I don’t have anymore medical evidence today, than I had yesterday, or six months ago, or a year ago. Things have just started to click together more in my brain, and fell into place for me.
If you follow my blog, you’ll have read a post not too long ago, about finding my old planner. That planner held my life in it. I had “mom brain” ( which is really just Kassie Brain) so I wrote down all the things I wanted to ask my care providers at my next meeting, and if I didn’t write it down, I would forget.
So I still have those notes.
They had comments like
“Dark Pee. Water intake?”
So I asked my midwives how much water I should be drinking.
“itchy Skin. Benadryl?”
So I asked my midwives if Benadryl was okay to take.
~ Reading that note brought up a memory of Matthew attending one of my appointments, he told my midwife that I had been itchy. That immediately caught her attention, and when she asked
“Changing her position.”
So I asked for stretches I could do to keep her out of my rib cage.
~And that one sparked a memory, about how she seamed to Always have her foot under my ribcage Always on the right.
Dark Urine, Extreme Itching, and Upper Right Quadrant pain are all the top symptoms of Intrahepatic Cholestasis of pregnancy (ICP).
“ICP is a liver disorder that occurs in pregnant women. Cholestasis is a condition that impairs the release of a digestive fluid called bile from liver cells. As a result, bile builds up in the liver, impairing liver function.”
~It also dramatically increases your chances of Stillbirth.
~It reoccurs in 60-90% of following pregnancies,
~And it occurs more often in women who’s sisters or mothers have also had it.
My sister was diagnosed with ICP in her pregnancy less than six weeks after my daughter died. I was diagnosed with it 2 years later while I was pregnant with our second child.
And I had all the signs. I just never said them out loud to my providers.
In up to 100% of Intrauterine deaths, related to ICP there is meconium present. (Also present in 15% of live births) There are also symptoms of oxygen deficiency recorded in the autopsy, a majority of the time.
We chose not to have an autopsy preformed, but she had a heavy presence of meconium, and symptoms of anoxia including purple lips.
I don’t have any new evidence, I just have my gut, and when I throw all this information together, for me; its enough.
I can finally say what killed my daughter.
When someone asks me, what happened? Instead of saying,
“I don’t know. We had a ultrasound 6 hours before and everything was fine.”
I will look at them and give them an answer. I will tell them that she died of a medical condition, that occurs occasionally in pregnant women. I will tell them what my symptoms were. I will tell them to speak up about their symptoms, and tell their providers. I will tell them so that maybe, they will be able to catch this before it gets ahead of them, or someone they love.
Just like I did a few weeks ago. I told a Momma about my story, about my daughter, and she told her Doctor about her symptoms, and was able to take action during her pregnancy, she delivered a healthy baby, and for me, that helped me cope with my daughters death a little more.
Talk about your symptoms. Even the small ones. I promise you, you'll never regret telling your doctor/midwife too much.
Leeona Christine, where ever you are, you are loved beyond measure.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2678574/
