My Cousins daughters went to build a bear after Leeona Died and made this teddy bear. They gave it to me so that I could feel better, and have something to hold on to. It brought me layers of comfort when I needed it most... Naturally it became Mitchells when he was big enough, and he knows that it once belonged to her.
We have photos of our daughter in our house - we always have. From the day she was born/died, there has never been a time that we didn’t have her everywhere. So naturally when our son was born 2 years later we still had them up. As he’s grown he has mentioned them and I have always told him the truth- that that was his baby sister ( even though she technically would have bene his big sister ) … As time has passed and he’s gotten older & the more questions he’s asked about her - the larger explanations I have had to give. For a long time I would say that she lives far away in heaven that was enough for a while. Lately it hasn’t been - So we have had to have hard conversations. Every night at bed time for a week straight Mitchell had asked about her picture above his bed. I started to realized that somewhere with in the last couple weeks he learned “what” a sibling, or sister is… So every single night he has asked to play with her and when I say that she lives far away, it hasn't been enough…
It’s “Well... she can come a different day?”
“She can come visiting me annuuuder time? Right Momma”
Each time clinging to her pink teddy bear that she “ let him keep”. After four nights of going through the exact same conversation and feeling like my breath was being sucked out of me when I answered.
I finally had to tell him, bluntly and honestly….
Each time clinging to her pink teddy bear that she “ let him keep”. After four nights of going through the exact same conversation and feeling like my breath was being sucked out of me when I answered.
I finally had to tell him, bluntly and honestly….
“She can’t baby, because she died. Leeona is Dead.”
The amount of understanding that this boy had blew my mind and honestly tore me open even a little more….
"ohhhh She died? Like Tadashi?”
-(Tadashi is a big brother in one of his favorite cartoon movies, who goes into a burning building to save a teacher, and then the building explodes.)
I told him yes… That she died like Tadashi... Then we had a bit of a tangent and I had to explain she didn’t die from fire… but that we should never run into burning buildings… he put his attention back on her and continued questioning me..
“So she’s wrrrellly wrelly gone…"
" She can’t play with me… never-ever?!”
“Mumma…. Where you wrellly wrelly sad?”
“And was daddy wreally sad too?”
“And Neverybody criweddd and criewedd?”
“That’s really sad…. We miss her so muccchhh, huh?”
So we continued talking about how sad I was and that yes, I do miss her every day... I told him how excited we were when we found out we were pregnant with him, and how he saved Mommy and Daddy from a place that was really hurting and that we are so thankful to his sister for bringing him to us.
Parenting after loss is beautiful, and hard and has some super unexpected moments, that I probably saw coming, just not this soon… Not tonight, not the middle of the almost summer as my son is winding down for bed, but I think the beauty of parenting a child is all the moments you learn to get through together.. I wasn’t ready for the talk, I wasn’t ready to break his little innocent mind, until I had to be in that moment… and then realized I wasn’t. I didn’t break him, and everything I thought would hurt him was something his little mind had already processed off a cartoon… Kids understand so much more than we think they do, and he maybe even taught me a little bit. <3
