My husband spent his week away for work. Any time he is gone is always my "get stuff done" time. Honestly, clutter and messes make him crazy, and when you have wayyy to much stuff and not enough house; reorganizing brings clutter and mess first. My task was to clean out my craft "room" (more accurately described as a closet) and free the space for baby boy warren.
My first task was painting the pink rails on sweet LeeLees crib, blue. Mom and I went to town and we picked out the prettiest blue I could find, and for later, a can of gray paint. we dug out the crib and cleaned it off, and I got to work. There is something bittersweet about painting a crib, that belonged to a baby who never got to sleep in it. I am so excited to bring a tiny Matthew into the world, yet I long for the child who should be already here, and I wonder who she would be.
So I cleaned out the craft space, and My mother in law and I painted it grey. Our Tineeey tinyyyy nursery will now be home to our sweet little boy. I painted our changing table which had belonged to Leeona, and my cousin's three girls ( including Baby Morgan, if you've read my other posts). A fresh coat (or ten) of white paint, with a blue accent. Leeona's God mother (Des) and I went shopping for the first boy things that we have bought for the new baby. --- Side note; We scored some greeattttt velvet blue baby hangers, which believe it or not are essential to the cuteness of my nursery. ( I know, I sound crazy, my family thinks I need a hangers anonymous meeting.--- and I began decorating our Adventure and Mountain Theme nursery.
All in all, we are out with the pink, and in with the blue. We are jumping full force into this world of boy, which I am heavily ill prepared for. I don't know how to be a 'boy mom' I don't know how to dress a boy, and how to make them into men. I don't know how to teach them to be somewhere in between strong, and sensitive. I don't know how to raise him to be the man that I hope he will be. But we are going to do the best we can, we are going to love him, for all that he is, and for all that we are worth. If our loss of Leeona has taught me nothing else, it has taught me to love and to cherish what we have, to live for today, and for right now. And that is my plan, if nothing else, I will be the very best Mom to him that I know how to be.
When I was a kid, Everyone used to call me "LittleLaura" Usually when I put my sassy pants on. My cousin Laura had a huge hand in moulding me when I was young. Although people would tell me that, as a way to remind me to rein in my 'tude', I always took it as a complement. As I got older my mom would say "Okay, Laura Marie." and I would often think to myself and say "If I can be half the Mom she is, I would be okay with being 'Little Laura' I never considered all it took for her to be the mother she is. Although she would have been an amazing Mom anyway, I'm sure the loss of her first Born, sweet Morgan, shaped the way she would parent her following girls. So maybe Leeona's loss will make me the best version of myself I can be, the best Mom I can be, and if that is another positive, that comes from her life, then I will do everything I can to fill that.
Welcome to our Lives sweet Little boy. You are so loved already, and I promise you, eventually you'll have a name, I swear! Your Dad can be super stubborn, but I'm working on him (;